I have found myself thinking more and more about the moments that are soon to come. The moment we get THAT phone call and can make travel plans. That moment we land in Hong Kong. That moment I see our son for the first time. The moment we take him to be with us FOREVER. The moment we come out of the airplane and see our girls after a long week away, this is going to be a precious moment for sure! The moment I actually do have him on my walks on the bluffs. In my thoughts I try and imagine all the details of what will take place in each moment. I day dream hard about these things. I have found myself so lost in thought that I actually forget I'm in the shower or on a walk. About a month ago I was walking on the buffs so focused on the details of holding Jed in the Bjorn while I walk and how it will fell to gentle caress his hair, while we make our last steps towards home, and that moment became so real I felt his hair in my hands. This moment snapped me out of my thoughts quickly. It was so surreal. I have these moments were I feel like I know what Jed's skin feels like or how his weight in my arms is so familiar and I know, with a deeper sense, that he is my son. I am longing to scoop him up and hold him so tightly, to kiss him, to assure him that he is one of God's beautiful creations.
I also think a lot about who he is and how he expresses himself. How will I, as his mom, know what his cry means...is he hungry, tired, lonely, hurting or simple wanting a snuggle. I honestly don't like the idea of having to learn about my son. I feel like I should know these things already.
I had a dream, a real dream, the other night that we received our travel notice. It was nothing like I expected it to be. It seemed very underwhelming to anyone I told. I know this won't be the case when we do finally get that news. I'm not sure what it will be like but I can't wait to find out.
since I cannot share photos of Jed I will share a picture of my sweet girls with you. Enjoy!
