We got THE call that will take us to the end of our adoption journey. We have travel dates!!!! I was at Scottish Rite when Gwen called with the news. Because I woke up feeling sick and had a terrible headache this news sent my body into over drive and I thought I was going to throw up. Luckily I didn't. It felt so great to finally be at this point! Sarah was with me and wanted to tell everyone the good news then the phone was passed to me so I could give the details. We made call after call until I needed a break. Trying to absorb all this excitement was overwhelming. I decided to stop all calls when another mom, at speech, started asking me questions about the adoption. She said it was really nice to be seeing all this take place. We had a great conversation not only about adoption but about Down syndrome too. It was so nice to share our story as the final phone call came in. I was so excited about the news that i could not sit down and my mind was racing. Picture this: your sitting at home reading a favorite book, all is calm and the house is quiet when there's a knock at the door. You open the door to find someone yelling run run a tornadoes coming, run, run fast, run run run!!!! I came home and began a search for flights, hotels and anything that would help me with planning. I decided I needed time to relax and focus...to regain control of my mind. I took a shower and went to bed. I prayed and breathed and prayed and breathed until all anxiety was gone and my my was clear. I went to sleep with no plan but a peaceful heart!
Today I am focused on getting some plans set. I will update once this happens.
Oh my heart is happy!
Friday, June 15, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Been Thinking.....a lot
I have found myself thinking more and more about the moments that are soon to come. The moment we get THAT phone call and can make travel plans. That moment we land in Hong Kong. That moment I see our son for the first time. The moment we take him to be with us FOREVER. The moment we come out of the airplane and see our girls after a long week away, this is going to be a precious moment for sure! The moment I actually do have him on my walks on the bluffs. In my thoughts I try and imagine all the details of what will take place in each moment. I day dream hard about these things. I have found myself so lost in thought that I actually forget I'm in the shower or on a walk. About a month ago I was walking on the buffs so focused on the details of holding Jed in the Bjorn while I walk and how it will fell to gentle caress his hair, while we make our last steps towards home, and that moment became so real I felt his hair in my hands. This moment snapped me out of my thoughts quickly. It was so surreal. I have these moments were I feel like I know what Jed's skin feels like or how his weight in my arms is so familiar and I know, with a deeper sense, that he is my son. I am longing to scoop him up and hold him so tightly, to kiss him, to assure him that he is one of God's beautiful creations.
I also think a lot about who he is and how he expresses himself. How will I, as his mom, know what his cry means...is he hungry, tired, lonely, hurting or simple wanting a snuggle. I honestly don't like the idea of having to learn about my son. I feel like I should know these things already.
I had a dream, a real dream, the other night that we received our travel notice. It was nothing like I expected it to be. It seemed very underwhelming to anyone I told. I know this won't be the case when we do finally get that news. I'm not sure what it will be like but I can't wait to find out.
since I cannot share photos of Jed I will share a picture of my sweet girls with you. Enjoy!
I also think a lot about who he is and how he expresses himself. How will I, as his mom, know what his cry means...is he hungry, tired, lonely, hurting or simple wanting a snuggle. I honestly don't like the idea of having to learn about my son. I feel like I should know these things already.
I had a dream, a real dream, the other night that we received our travel notice. It was nothing like I expected it to be. It seemed very underwhelming to anyone I told. I know this won't be the case when we do finally get that news. I'm not sure what it will be like but I can't wait to find out.
since I cannot share photos of Jed I will share a picture of my sweet girls with you. Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Getting Closer
Yesterday we were told that Jed went to get his physical for his Visa. One step closer to coming home. They sent four new pictures and we can see the changes already. He looks older but still super cute and really happy!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sad But True
We had been searching for some missing documents that Hong Kong was waiting for so they could move forward with our case. A few days and a lot of phones calls later we located these documents and were assured that they would be shipped out over night. The documents went here and there but at last they found their final destination in Hong Kong. This was very exciting because from what I understood after Mother's Choice, the orphanage in Hong Kong, received these documents they would begin the process of getting Jed his Visa and Passport. Once these two were taken care of then we could travel.....or so I thought.
I got an e-mail this morning informing me that the High Court Order should be ready in 8-10 WEEKS and we could travel soon after that.
Needless to say I was, well actually still am, upset. There's really no one to blame but me. I misunderstood where we are in the process. I am so disappointed. I'm sad that now we have to wait so long before we can get our son. His 1st Birthday is tomorrow. I feel like we have missed so much already and it hurts. The infant/baby stage has always been my favorite. It's the time when the bonding occurs. Your child gets that you are their mommy or daddy. They understand that no one else loves them more and that they will always be enough. I want Jed to be here with us getting that!
So now I have to deal with this reality and move on. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change things. All I can do is wait...patiently. This news has inspired me to paint. Yes paint. I was actually planning on doing this soon anyway but today my paint therapy began. I sanded the walls and taped the walls. I find that when I'm in a situation where I can't do anything to change the circumstances it is helpful to find something I can change and do it.
Tomorrow our kitchen gets a face lift!
I got an e-mail this morning informing me that the High Court Order should be ready in 8-10 WEEKS and we could travel soon after that.
Needless to say I was, well actually still am, upset. There's really no one to blame but me. I misunderstood where we are in the process. I am so disappointed. I'm sad that now we have to wait so long before we can get our son. His 1st Birthday is tomorrow. I feel like we have missed so much already and it hurts. The infant/baby stage has always been my favorite. It's the time when the bonding occurs. Your child gets that you are their mommy or daddy. They understand that no one else loves them more and that they will always be enough. I want Jed to be here with us getting that!
So now I have to deal with this reality and move on. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change things. All I can do is wait...patiently. This news has inspired me to paint. Yes paint. I was actually planning on doing this soon anyway but today my paint therapy began. I sanded the walls and taped the walls. I find that when I'm in a situation where I can't do anything to change the circumstances it is helpful to find something I can change and do it.
Tomorrow our kitchen gets a face lift!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Video
The video of Jed arrived a few days ago after being sent back to Modesto because it didn't have enough postage. It was very hard to stay positive with this craziness. We did finally gt it and he is so precious.
Because I want to be honest and remember how I felt at each stage of this journey I want to share my honest feelings about the first time I saw the video. I actually didn't feel anything, which shocked me. I wasn't sure if this was caused by the constant waiting or the build up was bigger than the show kind of thing? The video is about seven minutes long and all I did was observe his actions, developmentally speaking. I watched his foster mom too. How she engaged with him. What her interaction was like with him and how he responded.
I walked away feeling very unaffected by seeing our son moving, playing and smiling. I'm not sure when it hit me but I realized the video made me feel more like I was watching someone else with their child. The interaction between Jed and his foster mom was so sweet. She loves him and he loves her. I watched her eyes when she looked at him and there was a motherly love and affection that we as parents only have for our children. (If your a parent you know exactly what I mean. If you pay attention you can feel your gaze grow sweeter when you're looking at your own child. Try it sometime. Look at other children on the playground and then find your child and see what I mean.) And although I know this is a very good thing, for Jed to have bonded with someone, I want that person to be me.
I have watched the video more than once now and each time I feel more. I want that sweet boy. I have a deep love, a motherly love for him and I long to show him his place in our family, his family. The closer we get to actually being able to pick him up the harder it gets. At the same time I know there is absolutely nothing I can do but wait. So...we wait...for that final phone call telling us to make some travel plans. That day is going to be a joy filled day!
Because I want to be honest and remember how I felt at each stage of this journey I want to share my honest feelings about the first time I saw the video. I actually didn't feel anything, which shocked me. I wasn't sure if this was caused by the constant waiting or the build up was bigger than the show kind of thing? The video is about seven minutes long and all I did was observe his actions, developmentally speaking. I watched his foster mom too. How she engaged with him. What her interaction was like with him and how he responded.
I walked away feeling very unaffected by seeing our son moving, playing and smiling. I'm not sure when it hit me but I realized the video made me feel more like I was watching someone else with their child. The interaction between Jed and his foster mom was so sweet. She loves him and he loves her. I watched her eyes when she looked at him and there was a motherly love and affection that we as parents only have for our children. (If your a parent you know exactly what I mean. If you pay attention you can feel your gaze grow sweeter when you're looking at your own child. Try it sometime. Look at other children on the playground and then find your child and see what I mean.) And although I know this is a very good thing, for Jed to have bonded with someone, I want that person to be me.
I have watched the video more than once now and each time I feel more. I want that sweet boy. I have a deep love, a motherly love for him and I long to show him his place in our family, his family. The closer we get to actually being able to pick him up the harder it gets. At the same time I know there is absolutely nothing I can do but wait. So...we wait...for that final phone call telling us to make some travel plans. That day is going to be a joy filled day!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
So Precious!
Julia saw this picture and wants to know what these words mean. I told her I would explain it to her when she is older. How do I tell my middle child that some people don't want/have their baby because they have Down syndrome. I wonder how this will affect her perspective. Her heart. I don't look forward to this conversation. And then I do.
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