Sad But True

We had been searching for some missing documents that Hong Kong was waiting for so they could move forward with our case.  A few days and a lot of phones calls later we located these documents and were assured that they would be shipped out over night.  The documents went here and there but at last they found their final destination in Hong Kong.  This was very exciting because from what I understood after Mother's Choice, the orphanage in Hong Kong, received these documents they would begin the process of getting Jed his Visa and Passport.  Once these two were taken care of then we could travel.....or so I thought.

I got an e-mail this morning informing me that the High Court Order should be ready in 8-10 WEEKS and we could travel soon after that.

Needless to say I was, well actually still am, upset.  There's really no one to blame but me.  I misunderstood where we are in the process.  I am so disappointed.  I'm sad that now we have to wait so long before we can get our son.  His 1st Birthday is tomorrow.  I feel like we have missed so much already and it hurts.  The infant/baby stage has always been my favorite.  It's the time when the bonding occurs.  Your child gets that you are their mommy or daddy.  They understand that no one else loves them more and that they will always be enough.  I want Jed to be here with us getting that!

So now I have to deal with this reality and move on.  There is absolutely nothing I can do to change things.  All I can do is wait...patiently.  This news has inspired me to paint.  Yes paint.  I was actually planning on doing this soon anyway but today my paint therapy began.  I sanded the walls and taped the walls.   I find that when I'm in a situation where I can't do anything to change the circumstances it is helpful to find something I can change and do it.

Tomorrow our kitchen gets a face lift!

Video

The video of Jed arrived a few days ago after being sent back to Modesto because it didn't have enough postage. It was very hard to stay positive with this craziness.  We did finally gt it and he is so precious.

Because I want to be honest and remember how I felt at each stage of this journey I want to share my honest feelings about the first time I saw the video.  I actually didn't feel anything, which shocked me.  I wasn't sure if this was caused by the constant waiting or the build up was bigger than the show kind of thing?  The video is about seven minutes long and all I did was observe his actions, developmentally speaking.  I watched his foster mom  too.  How she engaged with him.  What her interaction was like with him and how he responded.

I walked away feeling very unaffected by seeing our son moving, playing and smiling.  I'm not sure when it hit me but I realized the video made me feel more like I was watching someone else with their child.  The interaction between Jed and his foster mom was so sweet.  She loves him and he loves her.  I watched her eyes when she looked at him and there was a motherly love and affection that we as parents only have for our children.  (If your a parent you know exactly what I mean.  If you pay attention you can feel your gaze grow sweeter when you're looking at your own child.  Try it sometime.  Look at other children on the playground and then find your child and see what I mean.)  And although I know this is a very good thing, for Jed to have bonded with someone, I want that person to be me.

I have watched the video more than once now and each time I feel more.  I want that sweet boy.  I have a deep love, a motherly love for him and I long to show him his place in our family, his family.  The closer we get to actually being able to pick him up the harder it gets.  At the same time I know there is absolutely nothing I can do but wait.  So...we wait...for that final phone call telling us to make some travel plans.  That day is going to be a joy filled day!

Beautiful Song

So Precious!

Julia saw this picture and wants to know what these words mean. I told her I would explain it to her when she is older. How do I tell my middle child that some people don't want/have their baby because they have Down syndrome. I wonder how this will affect her perspective. Her heart. I don't look forward to this conversation. And then I do.

Update

Jed is doing great!  He is rolling onto his stomach and pushing his chest up.  I can't wait to see this.  He weighs 15.7 lbs. and is 27.5 inches long.  He is still tiny and I am so excited!  

I should be getting a video soon too.

My mom and I went shopping on Saturday and bought Jed a few outfits.  It was really fun!

I800

Our I800 was approved three weeks earlier than expected!  The I800 is our US Immigration stating their approval for Jed to come to the US.  They will send this approval to Hong Kong.  This means that Hong Kong may have Jed's Visa ready at the same time as the court procedures are complete.  This is just my assumption.  If I am right we would travel sooner than expected.  Now we're hoping we can pick Jed up by his 1st Birthday which is April 19th.  Josh thinks it would be cool if we we're picking him up on his birthday.  I don't care when we pick him up, really, I just want the call to come in with travel dates!

It's getting close and we are so excited!

Serve Others!

"It is the service we are not obliged to give that people value most."-James C. Penny